When we sit together to have a chat, to drink some beer or coffee – how often do we talk about what annoys us, and complain about others or criticize the government or “people” who do things wrong, instead of turning our attention towards the world we desire, and on the type of “people” we’d like to have around us?

I personally have never liked talking about other people, nor criticizing.

However, I also catch myself making comments about things that outrage me or that have bothered me. And so I find myself immersed in long conversations in which we start analyzing the evil of this society, criticizing people who do not do things right, badmouthing about neighbors, acquaintances, politicians,  professionals etc. As soon as I realize what we are doing, I feel uncomfortable, and more than once I have tried to redirect the conversation elsewhere. Sometimes I try to put myself in the shoes of the ones being criticized, and I try to defend the person or group of people in some way. The reactions usually make the situation worse. The only thing I gain with my “defenses”, is to lengthen the conversation even more, since the moment I disagree with the general opinion, my interlocutors insist on defending their position. 

“They are always right,” says Berend Smit, author of “My Book. Living in Your Desired Situation,” with whom I had a conversation recently. According to the authors’ thinking, everyone is right, since each of us lives in “his world”, which he basically constructs through his thoughts and affirmations. That is, if I see and affirm that our country is full of thieves, it will be like this in my world. 

“But some things are a fact,” more than one of you will tell me, “what is is.” – And what is wrong is wrong, and deserves to be criticized, right?

My attempts to change the discourse in conversations are failing when I try to intervene in the worlds of others, whether my partner’s, friends’, family’s or colleagues’. In fact, insisting on “changing” others’ attitudes and thoughts has a rebound effect: we are achieving right the opposite of what we actually want with our “interventions”. The thing is, if I think others are wrong, I actually do the same thing that I am trying to avoid: I judge and insist on being right. 

Yes, I also get upset with many things. And it is human to be upset. In fact, Berend Smit’s proposal is to enter another level of consciousness. “I am the Consciousness,” he says and tells me to repeat it several times internally. From of Consciousness, things just are as they are. No judgment, no drama, no negative or positive emotions. It is what is. Looking at “what is” from that point, is like going up an imaginary elevator and looking at the situation from there, from this point of observation. Now, the next question to answer is no longer what is “wrong” or what is “right”, nor what should be done, nor what should not be done. The next question is “what do you want your situation to be like now?” That means, I make it my own decision. Do I really want to fight with life? 

I don’t. What I desire, is harmony, joy, friendship, love, union. And that is what I already have if I really want it. By wishing it and paying attention to what I desire, I will receive it. In the end, we receive what we want. And in a way that is somewhat difficult to understand from our human vision: the desired end is already in our NOW. 

Well, that’s it. What now? I tell you this: Even if you think I’m wrong, or Berend is wrong … – What do you really want?

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash